Things that annoy us more than they should

The other day, a couple of our contributors were having a conversation about the little things that absolutely shouldn’t be annoying but are. Like how self-service checkouts arbitrarily don’t use pronouns sometimes (“Unexpected item in bagging area”). So we decided to invite the rest of our team to tell us what grinds their gears. Here they are… the things that annoy us more than they should. Some are logical, and some are kinda strange (for instance, more than one person complained about lightbulbs) and lots of them start with “People who…”:

Being served food on a chopping board/slate instead of a plate. EVERYTHING falls off them and neither you nor the waiter can pick them up off the table when you’re done. There’s a pub in Brighton that serves burger and chips on what is essentially a ski. There’s no room to move your food around. It’s a fucking catastrophe. Bobby Townsend, Alice Parsons and Neil Martin

People who post countless inspirational quotes on Instagram. Josephine Rozenberg-Clarke

People saying/writing/or otherwise implying ‘nom noms’ ‘nomnomnom/s’. <shudder> Unless you’re the Cookie Monster, Tom Waits pretending to be the Cookie Monster, or a pirate saying “birdy nom noms,” to your brain-damaged parrot, there’s no excuse. If you say it to your children they’ll only go on to say it as adults and the cycle will continue. C’mon, I know you think your little snowflake is the next Einstein, I’m sure they can handle the word ‘food’. Oliver Heath

Using phones at gigs. Just enjoy it. Also, people “looking for friends” at gigs and then standing in front of you. Kirstie Newman

Kinder Surprises. What the fuck bro? are you a TOY or a chocolate?! Decide. I like my chocolate uninterrupted by useless plastic pieces of shit. Jess Matthews

All terrible pavement/aisle/escalator etiquette. Randomly stopping in front of people walking at a constant pace. slow walkers on narrow footpaths in general. Standing in front of door entrances. Forming a human Wall of China horizontally across, stopping midway IN THE MIDDLE to have a casual chat on your phone and not respecting the unwritten rule of opposing flows to one side. That also goes for the assholes on escalators who think talking side-by-side with their mate warrants a hold up, move the fuck along buddy. Kaya Strehler, Carol Bowditch, Alyssa Anne and Kirstie Newman

When people pronounce the letter H as “haitch.” Conversely, the way Americans pronounce ‘herbs’ as ‘erbs’. Bobby Townsend

Applying phone credit with a voucher. Carol Bowditch 

Star Wars themed art, ie, Storm Troopers in aprons, Darth Vader wearing a paisley shirt. Wookies eating cookies, etc. It might have been original the first million times, but it’s getting old now. Just because it has Star Wars in it, doesn’t mean it’s clever or witty. And just to be clear, I love Star Wars, well, parts IV, V and VI. Alice Parsons

People who don’t wear the right sized bra, especially when the straps fall down their arm. In fact, bras in general, boob segments in the wrong places gross me out. Alyssa Anne and Carol Bowditch

How taxi drivers complain when you only have a $50 note, even if the fare is about $20, and then spend so much time whinging when you’re trying to get out to your destination (which, you’re presumably already late for if you’ve taken a cab). Jack Colwell

Men’s boxer briefs. They take up so much room on the drying rack. Josephine Rozenberg-Clarke

This is American and maybe it’s not so small, but why the fuck do we not include tax in the price for products on a shelf?! What, I’m supposed to work out a 9% sales tax in my head when I shop?! If it says 10 bucks, be 10 bucks! Tenley Nordstrom

Splitting films into three parts when one part would do just fine. Alice Parsons

The catch-all expression “first world problems”. It’s often levied in such a puritanical fashion that the person using it surely self-flagellates if they eat a cookie instead of feeding an orphan child. Oliver Heath 

People who bring young children onto the train’s quiet carriages. CityRail can’t legally say “no babies or small children”, but it’s kind of an unspoken rule that you don’t bring something that screams onto a quiet carriage, is it not? (And yes, this is happening to me right now). Josephine Rozenberg-Clarke

People that give me shitty looks when my two-year-old son makes a noise in a public space. Fuck you he’s two (but of course other people’s noisy children should absolutely be kept locked indoors until they can behave appropriately in civilised society). Neil Martin

When people say ‘oh i totally know what you mean’ when they totally do not know what you mean. Kaya Strehler

When people sit on the aisle of a bus or train seat and there are spare spots to the window-side of them. MUTHA FUCKRS. Marcus Thaine 

People who do a full face of makeup on peak-hour morning trains. Carol Bowditch

Cut-off denim shorts where the insides of your pockets hang out for miles at the bottom (and your arse cheeks out the back) are ridiculous. Alyssa Anne

Frosted, low-watt light bulbs that have trouble competing with the moon. And how the European Union forbids the sale of the good old ordinary light bulb. Harriet Cheney and Lisa Says

People who, when they realise my Spanish comprehension isn’t great, begin speaking louder, as though the problem is somehow hearing related. I also hate the American guy who once told me he can’t tell the British, Australian and NZ accents apart – then immediately castigated me for not picking which part of America he was from. Douche with a capital D. Koren Helbig

The opening contraption for “Just Juice”. Sophie Metcalfe

Bad drivers. When you want to go straight through traffic lights and you end up behind someone who puts their indicators on to turn right just as the lights go green then you have no time to go around them so end up missing the green light altogether. Also people who never indicate changing lanes (I’ve noticed that A LOT in Sydney) and people who can’t seem to grasp the rules of merging lanes (one car from one lane, then from the next lane etc) Grrrrrrrrrrr. Sophie Schirmer

People who sing Amazing. Colin Delaney

Having to hear the gripe about Easter products being on the supermarket shelves straight after Christmas. It’s old. Get over it. You should be grateful, because hot x buns are delicious. Alyssa Anne

Pens that don’t work, pens that aren’t fine point, lined paper, my parents. Harriet Cheney

People who listen to music without earphones in public (and people who listen to music WITH headphones in but you can still hear it word-for-word). Kirstie Newman

Complaining about petty things. Oliver Heath

Not much annoys me to be honest. Just people, things and things that people do… Neil Martin 

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Now that we’ve got that off our chests, tell us what grinds your gears more than it should, in the comments section below. For more grumpy social commentary like this, check out our HOW TO section.