The 2011 ARIA Awards
Bobby Townsend and Heidi Pett went to the 2011 ARIA Awards in Sydney today. They behaved like consummate professionals. Here’s Bobby’s review:
As you would expect from any Australian award ceremony, the 2011 ARIA’s were a mix of fun, disappointment, excitement, happiness, booze and moderate embarrassment. We arrived in the searing heat in time to see the crowd go apeshit as Hall of Fame recipient, Kylie Minogue, trod the red carpet. She looked small. And pretty. Taking our seats just in time to see Western Australian MC, Drapht, ably demonstrate how incredibly average Aussie hip-hop can be (and often is), it became pretty clear that the only way to enjoy such an occasion was drunk (after all, I have always been keen to reprise my performance at the 2007(?) MTV Awards when I shouted alcohol-fuelled abuse at Nicole Ritchie and those bellends out of Good Charlotte). So, we got our fucking arses to the bar.
Maybe it was simply the booze, but the whole thing seemed a very surreal experience: the country’s PM gushing over Kylie (not literally), Guy Sebastian seemingly dressed as a human disco ball and, later, crowd-surfing, The Living End winning Favourite Live Act and then putting on a fairly shit live performance, Art vs Science‘s song being enough to make me want to rip my ears off. Oh, and some dude THAT WE’VE NEVER HEARD OF who apparently won X Factor, swaggering around the stage like a wannabe Pete Doherty and going on an anti-corporate rant during his Best-Selling-Something-Or-Other speech. Irony alert. As Heidi tweeted: “You’re from X FACTOR, for fuck’s sake.”
It wasn’t all weird/bad though. Indeed, there were great performances from Gotye and Kimbra and Boy & Bear, while Hamish & Andy or whatever their names are even managed to be moderately funny when presenting an award. We were also happy to see The Wiggles get inducted into the Hall Of Fame. Indie snobbery aside, these guys are unquestionably one of Australia’s most important exports.
Just when things seemed to be taking a turn for the better though… hold on, it’s those fucking dudes from Good Charlotte again. I swear they have been at every award ceremony I have ever attended. Why? For the love of God, why? Anyway, I suppose them presenting a couple of awards gave us a chance to swear loudly in the direction of the stage for few minutes. Which was fun. By the time Pink (I refuse to spell her name with the ! for an i) undeservedly won Best Something To Do With Not Being From Australia (can you tell we were paying attention?) ahead of Adele, I’d gotten bored and went off to buy ice-creams (which would result in Heidi getting chocolate stains on her lovely white dress – we’re nothing if not classy and cool at Something You Said).
Oh yeah, the winners. Well, we were really pleased for Boy & Bear, who basically cleaned up, winning BEST ADULT ALTERNATIVE ALBUM, BREAKTHROUGH ARTIST – SINGLE, BREAKTHROUGH ARTIST – ALBUM, BEST GROUP and the coveted ALBUM OF THE YEAR.
Meanwhile, Gotye won SINGLE OF THE YEAR, BEST POP RELEASE and BEST MALE ARTIST to add to PRODUCER OF THE YEAR, BEST VIDEO and ENGINEER OF THE YEAR already bestowed at the ARIA Awards Nominations Event in early October, all for the hit single, Somebody That I Used to Know (feat. Kimbra). Kimbra won BEST FEMALE ARTIST while the legendary BILLY THORPE posthumously won an ARIA AWARD for his final masterpiece, Tangier.
There were loads of other winners too but, Jeez, we were too busy drinking and loudly singing John Farnham songs (and generally annoying the hell out of the people in front of us who, presumably, had forked out hard-earned cash for tickets) to notice. You’ll be delighted to know we’ll be back next year for more quality journalism and breathtaking commentary.
Review (in the broadest sense of the word) and shitty iphone picture by Bobby Townsend.