The 10 Biggest TV Moments of 2013

Robin Thicke, Miley Cyrus

We’re currently tallying up our contributors’ top ten television programmes of the year thus far. Results coming soon. In the meantime, Josephine Rozenberg-Clarke offers up some of the most jaw-dropping individual TV moments to hit our screens in 2013 (contains possible spoilers if you aren’t up to date, fools):

The Red Wedding game changer
It’s the most shocking TV wedding moment since Ross said “I take you Rachel” instead of “Emily” in Friends. It was also a moment that nobody saw coming. Even fans of George R.R. Martin’s books, who more than likely did see it coming, were devastated. I remember screaming “No! No! No!” at the TV when (SPOILER ALERT) Roose Bolton and co, via those wily Lannisters, coldly and oh-so brutally disposed of Robb, Catelyn, Talisa and unborn baby Stark. Not since Ned Stark’s beheading in season one has this series given our tear ducts and hashtags such a workout.

breaking-bad-Breaking Bad breaks the Internet
In a revelation that will surely lose me my job as a TV writer, I haven’t actually watched the Breaking Bad finale – I’m one of those people still lurking around the season 3 mark – but as a user of the Internet this year, I learned that every other person in the history of mankind watched this episode. And they were all using every curse word in their arsenal to react to the epic finale of what has been hailed as the greatest drama ever, and this exclaiming continued for about a week. So I’m guessing that whatever happened in this episode was awesome?

Girls’ “rape-gate”
The show has always been polarising – a self-obsessed group of young women living, loving and complaining in New York without the “farshion” gloss of Sex and the City – and season two was tough. It got real dark – tackling big topics like OCD, DIY Carey Mulligan haircuts and ill-timed Kanye West covers. Then there was that sex scene. Adam’s always had a rather, er, authoritarian attitude in the bedroom, but telling Natalia to crawl on all fours to his bed and giving her unwanted oral sex before masturbating and ejaculating onto her chest? That shit was next-level disturbing.

Miley Cyrus scars us for life
The roving tongue. The foam finger. The latex-clad butt cheeks. The twerking. The fact that said twerking occurred on the crotch of a creepy man wearing sunglasses at night. There was so many things wrong with Miley’s VMAs performance – but that was the point. The very fact that it will be remembered forever (for better or worse) means that she dropped the bomb she was hoping for. Since the show, her album’s sold truckloads, next year’s tour is selling out, she’s hosted Saturday Night Live and twerked on Santa. Score one for Miley.

homelandHomeland loses its way
The US political thriller has us all hooked in seasons one and two thanks to the compelling performances of Claire Danes and Damian Lewis, as well as twisty storylines and great writing. But this season, all fans could talk about was how much it, well, sucked. (Cue Carrie Mathison ugly cry.) Gone was the edge-of-your-sofa action, and instead we had silly plotlines and tedious pacing. It picked up at the end though, so there’s still hope that season four won’t blow quite so hard.

Tina and Amy: hosts with the most
Ricky Gervais has a certain delightfully mean charm, but 2013’s Golden Globes hosts, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, knocked it out of the park. With just the right balance of hilarious one-liners and good-natured attacks on celebs (though Taylor Swift didn’t take her punchline too well), these two proved that you can be hot, smart, funny and – to the shock of sexist dudes everywhere – female. Reproductive organs aside, these two are just plain awesome – and they’ll be hosting the next two ceremonies, too. Woo.

All hail Netflix!
We may not have the actual Netflix service in Australia (god knows why they call it the lucky country), but we can still enjoy their series. Netflix bestowed upon us a holy trinity of awesomeness – edgy political drama House of Cards, prison dramedy Orange is the New Black, and of course, the return of cult fave Arrested Development. Next year, their original programming includes a cartoon about a whiskey-drinking horse, featuring the voices of Arrested’s Will Arnett and Breaking Bad’s Aaron Paul. So, there’s that.

Patrick’s untimely death
It was a uniquely Australian meltdown, in which fans of the homegrown series Offspring collectively lost their shit when Nina’s handsome baby daddy, Patrick carked it quite suddenly. Viewers knew someone was going to die, but after an episode full of red herrings, Patrick’s demise was a Game of Thrones-style shock that saw most of Twitter and Facebook overtaken by one word. “WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!!!”

brian-griffin-deadFamily Guy’s Christmas miracle
Another beloved character who met their fate at the hands of a rogue vehicle was Brian, the sarcastic mutt voiced by the show’s creator, Seth Macfarlane. Run over by a car and replaced by a new pooch named Vinny, the world was in mourning…until the next episode, when the usually evil Stewie went back in time and saved Brian’s life – just in time for Christmas! (Sidenote: is it possible for animated shows to jump the shark?!)

Hello, Doctor…
Okay, so this hasn’t happened yet, but it needs to be included. Just days before the end of 2013, bow-tied fanfic fodder Matt Smith will depart iconic series Doctor Who to make way for brand-new Time Lord, Peter Capaldi –following up his previous TV role as completely foul-mouthed Malcolm Tucker on political comedy The Thick of It. As Malcolm would say: we can’t fucking wait.



Words by Josephine Rozenberg-Clarke


Which oh-my-God-I-can’t-believe-what-I’m-seeing-and-shit-I’ve-dropped-my-sandwich moments has Josephine not mentioned? Tell us in the comments section below.