Welcome to the Anti Ball Crushing pant


True story. I once went to the pub with a mate of mine called Robin, who’s the lead-singer of an up-n-coming indie band. We purchased beverages and located the table at which our group of mates were already situated. I sat down, but Robin remained standing, even though there was room for him to park his derrière. He remained like this for a while, conversing with the rest of us but very much remaining standing. It was a bit weird, so I asked him why he wasn’t sitting down.

“My jeans are too tight. I can’t sit.”

Yup, his spray-on jeans were so sprayed on that he couldn’t take a seat without potentially ruining his future chances of having kids. He was taking style over comfort to impressive/ridiculous new levels.

I tell this story because I’ve just been introduced to a style of pant that Robin might want to check out, namely, the ABC Pant. What does ABC stand for? It stands, quite wonderfully, for Anti Ball Crushing.

Yes, if ever a product was aptly described by its name, it is the Anti Ball Crushing Pant. I gave them a try and, without wishing to talk in too much detail about my own groin area (too weird/awkward), suffice to say the ABC pants are super comfy. They’ve got roll-up cuffs for reflectivity on dawn or dusk rides, have six pockets and are designed with all-day comfort/performance in mind, with plenty of stretchiness and room for your bits to breathe.


To have a better look at the ABC pants, go to the lululemon website and be safe in the knowledge that you’ll definitely be able to sit down in the pub when wearing them.

bobby townsend


Review by Bobby Townsend