Band photos on dating apps: am I a tosser?

The Lulu Raes have recently dropped their new single. Drummer Tom wrote a piece for us about the do’s and don’ts of posting band photos on dating apps:

Since the rise of the dating app, people have endured a whirlwind of changing expectations and realities when it comes to presenting themselves to a possible beau/beau-ette. When your opportunity is a name and five pictures, it is instinct to stuff as much culture and raw sexuality into every pixel. The photos may not totally represent the individual, or maybe together curated, the profile may show a very different character to the owner for the purposes of deception (emotional cuckery to you). Individuals may wrestle with many aspects of their profile, and how they want to represent their true selves to potential flings, lovers, if not legitimate and long-term mates.

There does seem to be general do’s and don’ts, but not enough concrete evidence for every niche, as I recently found out. Case and point; my friend calls me a “fuckhead” when he sees I’d used on my dating profile a photo of me playing drums on stage. To me, he is the fuckhead, for he does not take my bid for love seriously (via sepia photo of me absolutely losing my shit onstage at a day festival). “Girls will think you are up yourself”. Although I have chosen to no longer talk to that once close friend (he is dead to me), it did get me thinking about musician photos on dating apps.

And so, starts my investigation to answer the potentially ego shattering question: “May I use professional band photos on my private dating app profile”?

In favour of the defence; A.K.A. I am not a fuckhead.

For many, if not most everyday musicians, music is a huge part of life. Should a dating app not then be used to show an individual’s passions and interests? So, what if the photo was taken on a HD camera and you look buff as shit, other people’s profiles are surely more superficial (ergo, bigger fuckhead). What about the guys and girls who are just half naked for the sake of it, without doing anything else but occupying space with their big looking muscles via strategic lighting? At least you (me) are half naked, looking directly into the camera, winking WHILST doing something you love. That should count for something.

This is not to mention musicianship itself is an aphrodisiac to some, and so it’s fair play to be used as personality currency. One female app user says, “I like musicians. They are hot”. There you have it. Musicians are hot. Is that not argument enough? You (me) are trying to come across as hot, remember? Upon prompting, our source added “maybe I think that because I sing and play myself”. Another female source (a musician turned sound engineer) believes of individuals using band photos; “I would probably be more interested in them. It’s an easy way to see we have something huge in common and that maybe we might be living/working similar lifestyles”. There seems to be a trend here; Musos like other Musos putting up Muso photos. The system works, embrace the system. You will find your soulmate and your children will learn 17 instruments by the time they are five, before ultimately disappoint you by taking up a career in banking to spite you. Congratulations.

In favour of the crown; A.K.A. I am a fuckhead.

I love music and I believe in the spiritual power of it as an art, how it can transcend logic and anything rationale to bring a sort of emotional peace and understanding, be it to a single individual or huge groups at a time.

Upon reflection, I realised I am also the first to admit that a cold cut photo up close of a guitarist mid-WHAMMY pulling a half orgasm half ouch pain face is a bit of wank, especially if condoned by the individual themselves and used as a tool to entice. Even if it does work and you find a musician wife/husband/plaything, don’t you feel that a little bit of your soul has curdled? Surely it differs from a regular ‘hot’ photo, because in uploading a band photo, you are assuming it makes you cool, you are a ‘hip’ person. In buying into that superficial idea (if only a little) that just having a guitar and long hair makes you cool, are you any better than the gimp that plays wonderwall awfully at a house party to pick up? If you truly respect music as an art and musicianship as an art form, you would agree that holding a guitar and making a face like you just stubbed your toe does not automatically guarantee/deserve a lay.

Another close friend of mine (not the one in the first paragraph, and to be clear I’m not going to talk about him at all for the rest of the article ok) is of the opinion, “Don’t put it (the Band photo) up because it’s vapid, but I guess your only other option then is to put up a photo of you providing musical accompaniment to improvised dungeons and dragons shows”.

It is true, one of my payed jobs is to accompany, for three and a half hours, a live onstage monthly dungeons and dragons game. And to be honest, I think I would prefer to use a photo of that and get no matches than a profile full of hot Big Day Out photos looking sizzling and sumptuous, because I would at least be happy (and very much alone) with the fact that I had demonstrated my true self, my honest self, not the paper thin guise of a ‘Rockstar’.

In Summation:

I believe Axl Rose is the type of person that would exclusively use photos of himself performing on his dating apps, and as we all know, that guy is the mayor of Wank City. In terms of a legitimate takeaway (thank you for bearing with me by the way), I’ve found that if you are looking for a musician’s date, put up a photo of you playing your instrument. Just one is enough, and people will understand your interests. The upside is, you will find someone with the same interests and passions as you do, the honest blueprints to a true soulmate. The downside is, you have found someone with the same boring opinion of Radiohead as yourself, and you will probably spend half the night making small talk about the difference between Telecasters and Stratocasters, and the other half about which member of the Beatles would be the shittest help in a bar fight. If you absolutely need to date within the music family, date a soundie. You will probably learn something.

Tom Cardy plays drums for The Lulu Raes, piano for DRAGON FRIENDS (which he loves), and is still very single.

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