How to overcome being shy at shows – Down For Tomorrow

Down For Tomorrow have just released their new single, Sentimental. Bassist Sarah Bonnet has written an op-ed piece for us about being shy at shows and how to overcome it:

This piece might not be relevant for everyone, as I don’t know if there’s many people who are shy and afraid to talk to people at shows. Or if there is, then they’re definitely good at hiding it because it sometimes feels like everyone else is confident. But anyway, if what I am about to write helps at least one person then it’s worth it. Personally, I used to be really shy and scared to talk to people at shows, but hopefully, I might have some good tips on how to overcome this.

So first: story time! When I turned 18 and was able to go to more shows, I didn’t really have any friends to go with. But I loved live music so much that I decided to go alone. There were so many good local pop-punk shows in Sydney, so I went a lot. I liked it but standing alone was kind of awkward sometimes, especially when the music stopped for the band’s changeovers, that’s usually when everyone talks to their friends and socialises.

However, I wasn’t super good at speaking English at the time, so it made talking to people even more scary. And because concert venues are always noisy, it was hard to hear people and be sure I had heard the right thing. So, in hindsight, most of my conversations for the first 2 years must have just been me misunderstanding what was said and answering the wrong thing (which still happens honestly). But that’s kind of funny.

Anyway, before that, I was scared of talking to people and watched YouTube videos on how to be friendly and make friends and talk to people, etc. The main tip was: “compliment people and talk about something that interests them”, which was perfect since most people were interested in the same music as me or were photographers I followed on Instagram or played in local bands I liked.

So, for a while, I would just: 1) Stand on my own, then 2) See someone cool and go tell them I liked their band shirt or their band’s new song or their photos (which, by the way, I did follow and admire a lot of local bands and photographers) and then talk to them for a bit before 3) Going back to my shyness bubble watching the bands alone. It wasn’t much but the social interaction was nice.

After many shows, some of these people started becoming familiar. Going to shows and talking to them started being less scary, funnier. After a few months, I also discovered that having a drink or two helps you be more social sometimes and to a certain extent it helps me be more social around people (you don’t want to go too hard though haha!). Now I have friends to go to shows with and am not scared to talk to people there anymore, I enjoy it a lot.

But if you’re struggling to be social at shows or scared to go alone, here are a few tips I learnt along the way, and which still help me today.

1: At shows, most people like music and probably the same music as you since they are at the same show. If you want to talk to someone but don’t know what to say: “hey, how good was this opening band?” or “Are you going to this show next week?” or “What do you think of [insert band’s name]’s new song?” are conversation starters that always work.

2: You know that feeling when you’re having a conversation and think a lot about what you are going to say next to not sound stupid? Or when you are obsessing over what you just said, terrified that it was the wrong thing? Well, I read somewhere that most people have the same thoughts while talking to the point that most people don’t pay that much attention to what you say, they focus way more on what THEY are saying. Which may sound bad and self-centred but it’s actually a good thing! It means that if you say something dumb, they won’t remember, they’ll just remember about what they said. I bet you remember the last time you felt embarrassed saying something stupid or awkward to someone, but do you remember when someone did that you? Because I don’t. So just remember that people don’t care that much about what you say, it’s actually liberating.

3: As 2020 and 2021 taught us, shows and social interaction could disappear at any moment. I really used to take social interaction for granted but now I know how precious it is and I want to enjoy every second of it without worrying or being shy. For all I know, there could be a new COVID outbreak, or the world could explode tomorrow or today could be your last day. So that’s a good reason to have fun, make the most of the night and realise that an awkward interaction won’t matter that much at the end of the day. Just be nice to people! And if someone is not vibing then just be friends with someone else.

Anyway, that is just how I cope with talking to people at shows even though I’m still shy sometimes but it’s nice and worth it and I hope those tips were a bit helpful.

DOWN FOR TOMORROW -‘SENTIMENTAL’ TOUR

FRI 9 JUL | THE WORKERS CLUB, MELBOURNE VIC
SAT 24 JUL | WAYWARDS, SYDNEY NSW

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