Isotopes – My Life After Death
Sydney-based post-hardcore band Isotopes have recently dropped their new single, Die Alone. Bradley Stokes from the band has written an open letter for us about his mental health. Here it is:
The passing of Chester Bennington hit me like a freight train. It not only marked the death of one of my biggest idols, but for me it also poised the question that “maybe I won’t be OK after all”.
I am someone who has struggled with depression for years, and as a young teen I grabbed on tight to music to numb the pain, and I never let go. I felt a personal relationship with the lyrics of bands such as Linkin Park and felt an astounding amount of comfort in knowing that others were feeling the way that I did, and that I wasn’t alone in my struggles.
But, like I have done with many things in my life when things get hard, I buried my head in the sand. Instead of seeking real help for my mental health issues, I lied to myself and told myself that all I needed to do to be happy was reach my dream of becoming a successful musician, and that once I had “made it”, then my problems would sort themselves out and go away.
While deep down I knew this was a dangerous mindset, for a long time it was what kept me going through the day. “If I push through one more year, that’s when things will be ok”.
Then on July 20, 2017, that lie was ripped from under me. Chester’s death terrified me more than I had ever been before. This was a man who seemingly had everything I had told myself I needed to be happy, and to finally rid the sadness that I had ignored for so long. He had always reinforced the idea in my head that no matter how bad things were, that the music was enough to see me through.
All I could think was “If Chester had lost his battle with mental health, what chance in hell do I have?”
It wasn’t until after Chester’s passing that I decided that I was unable to continue to ignore my own struggles, and that I needed to face my problems and seek my own help, instead of relying on “fate” or “destiny” to save me.
Since seeking help, my relationship with music has changed drastically, and I have managed to re-find my love for the art without the huge weight of using it as a crutch for my problems. Without the pressure of constantly needing more from my career to make me happy, I have been able to enjoy every little step of the way, and to appreciate the musical journey that I am lucky and forever thankful to be able to experience.
Bradley Stokes
